Worried About The Boys - Timothee Chalamet And Martin Scorsese For Bleu De Chanel

A little while ago, I was at a birthday party for a five year old girl. As often seems to be the way with children’s gatherings these days, the dress code was Disney. So of course we had lots of Elsas, Belles and Cinderellas, as well as a few Buzz Lightyears and Spidermen (the latter being permitted because, as I’m sure you know, all things Marvel now fall within the realms of the Magic Kingdom). However, what I wasn’t expecting to see was that one of the Elsas was a boy. He entered in his sparkly blue dress, radiating confidence from his very pores, and joined in all the games, wearing a huge smile on his face throughout. Needless to say, not a single one of the other children was fazed by this. In fact, unlike the adults, they barely seemed to notice. My own reaction was that I found it near-impossible to stop myself from going up to him to tell him that he looked absolutely amazing and that I was thoroughly impressed with him — I decided this would probably be ill-advised, seeing as he had no clue who I was and would likely be perplexed by the sight of this gushing, over-excited middle-aged man. Best to just let him enjoy the party, I thought.

On my way back home from the event, I found myself feeling optimistic about what the future holds for boys in this part of the globe, and how successfully they’ll be able to find their place in it. But the moment was short-lived, because other thoughts intruded, and I remembered that even though there has unquestionably been some progress in this area in the last few years, the landscape remains bleak: as far as I’m concerned, we’re still in a position of not quite knowing what to do with boys. (Click on this link for a New Yorker piece on this issue and on this link for a similar article in The Guardian.)

To be clear: I could not be happier about the impact of feminism and the improvements to the lives of women made over the course of the last few decades. I am full of admiration for the individuals who have spoken out against men who, for too long, used fear, power and privilege to abuse others. I know we sometimes indulge in a bit of nostalgia and talk about '“how much better” things were in the 1960s and 70s, but if I had a daughter, there’s no way I’d want her growing up in those years. Come to that, I wouldn’t want a son growing up then either, potentially absorbing misogynist views. In short: thank goodness many, many things have changed. But I wonder if some of the changes have caused us to do a disservice to boys, and made them think that the world no longer has any need for their specific strengths and abilities.